Van & John's SPORTS GENIUSES
"The Drive-By Shooting of Editorial Sports Journalism"
present:
SEC FORECAST 2000!

John says:
Every year when we start looking at the SEC (and college football in general) the same two factors are always the most important when evaluating a team's chances - returning players and schedule. And I probably should have put that in the other order - schedule and returning players. Because even if you have everyone back, if you have a Mission Impossible schedule then even lots of potential high draft picks won't help you......

Van says:
Amen. Just look at last year-- half the teams in the conference ended up with almost identical records. Parity has nearly arrived, and it's all about who plays whom, and where. So let's get to it!


SEC EAST:

For the past few years this has been the most predictable and boring division. UT and UF. Visor boy and Fulmer. Yadda yadda yadda. Many publications are throwing all that out and saying that the dawgs with the formerly stinky stadium will rise to the top. We do not agree.

1. Florida.

John says:
The giant lizard men from that state with the other Bush boy as Gov. will be better this year. Did you ever think that you would have to worry about a Steve Spurrier offense??? The defense will be the best since the national championship season and that will be enough to put the swamp things back up here. They won't win in Tallahassee (motto: "Reduced sentences for High School All Americans!") but they will win at rocky top and at home against a not so tough home schedule.... 10-1

Van says:
Spurrier's sounding cocky again, as are his players. Alex Brown's remarks about UGA over the summer sent Atlanta area mutts into fits of apoplexy, when he questioned why the Dawgs should be ranked higher than UF, since they have the same players coming back that the Gators beat last year. It's a valid point, and one that Tennessee never has seemed to grasp, either. Gators will prevail again. Losses to FSU and someone else. 9-2


2. Gawja [all you UT fans who are fussin' right now can go straight to #3 below and then come back].

John says:
All the Gawja faithfal are saying 'this is the year!!". Yeah, we've heard that before..... Note: Incoming Freshmen at UGA were probably NOT BORN THE LAST TIME YOU WON THE SEC!!!!!!. The offense will be great (enjoy it because they will all the in the NFL next year). The defense will be better, but that's a relative statement--it was terrible last year. (oops, I think Auburn just scored again....) The defense will be better, but since it finished 12th in the conference last year, better could be 10th. The dawgs get over the hump against UT but not against Visor boy. They also need to look out playing at Hogland and a home game against the Ole Misses. 9-2.

Van says:
Every preseason, the Dawgs get all hyped up, thinking it is finally their year-- but this year takes the cake. Unfortunately for them, it *won't* take the *prize*. DawgNation's fervor is at a fever pitch, but it just means they will have further to fall when they inevitably lose to at least one of their two bitter Eastern rivals. They'd give their thumbs to climb out of the half of the SEC that has never played in the Dome. Not this year. Losses to two conference foes. 9-2

3. Tennessee.

John says:
Yes, they have talent. But most of the talent from the past few years is now playing on sunday. And wait until UT fans experience SEC games with a young QB not named Manning. (Anybody remember Peyton at MSU? it was ugly.) New QB. 4 new OL starters. New secondary. Tough schedule. 8-3.

Van says:
It will take them half the season to get up to speed. Unfortunately for UT, it's always the *second half* of their season that's the pushover. By the time they meet UK and Vandy, they'll be rolling along. But they will slip up early. As in, to Florida. Again. (And do they have any idea how badly Georgia fans want to beat them?) 8-3

4. Kantuky. [you didn't think you would see USC here did you?]

John says:
A new QB who's bigger than most of the defensive ends in the conference. Receivers and defensive line are the big questions. But they score some points, win a few games.... 7-4.

Van says:
I think my fellow Genius is reaching a bit, here. UK scores some points, wins a few games, and goes maybe 5-6 or 6-5 if they're fortunate.

5. Vandy.

John says:
Hey, let's be clear. This aint the same old pitiful vandy. I saw something last year - real talent! They only lost 6 starters. Break out the bandwagon - vandy's going to a bowl!!! Excellent defense - 2 good QBs for the first time ever, etc. 6-5.

Van says:
There's absolutely nothing in the world wrong with the Poulan Weedeater Bowl-- if you're Vandy. Good for you, guys. Of course, Auburn rotates UT off, finally-- only to get the best Vandy team in twenty years! Ah well... 6-5

6. USC

John says:
- Week 1 - New Mexico State at home. Week 3 - Eastern Michigan at home. Those are your big games right there - get a W then dig a hole and brace yourself for going O-SEC again. (bama rotates onto the schedule, isn't that convenient.....]

Van says:
I still can't think of why Lou would want to be in Columbia. Maybe he thought it was the District of Columbia, and he'd be taking over all that great Redskin talent. Or maybe he was thinking, Colombia, as in, South America. Tropical Latin American getaway. Yeah, that must be it. Instead, he's herdin' poultry. If he were just trying to get away from it all, he could have entered the witness relocation program, and won just as many games as last year, to boot. 3-8


SEC WEST - Put bama first and LSU at the bottom and then throw the rest in a bag and pull them out.

1. Bama.

John says:
Lots of hype. Lots of talent. The biggest question is the running game. People forget how valuable Sean Alexander was - he moved the chains. He made a lot of the big plays. Yes, the offense is explosive, but it may be more explosive and less consistent... Games of concern: at hogland ( 2 years ago bama lost badly up there....), Ole Miss at home, at UT, at MSU. Figure they will lose one of those. 10-1

Van says:
Tide officials say they could have sold 125,000 season tickets this year. My question: Where were those people the last couple of years? (My other question: When will Mike Dubose ever realize the blatant symbolism of his wearing a bright red letter "A" on his hat? I mean, jeez, Mike, just switch to a red hat with a white "A," or something. Then again, this assumes that bama people have actually *read* "The Scarlet Letter." Maybe they watched the Demi Moore movie, anyway.) It's bama--I hate it, but they win the West. 9-2

2. Ole Miss

John says:
This is the year they have been waiting on. Lots of talent in the offensive backfield. Some depth for the first time in 20 years. The defensive line is a concern in a physical division. Must go to bama, Arkansas and UGA. Maybe they win one of those. 9-2.

Van says:
How long will it be before the Ole Miss faithful are grousing that Cutcliffe "only won with Tuberville's players?" You know it's coming. In the meantime, this will be a good year. I can't see them winning more than eight, though. Too much parity this year. 8-3

3. Arkansas

John says:
Great running game. New QB and new secondary are real concerns. But the schedule is great - 5 straight home games before a trip to Holtzville. This team may be the favorite in the West next year - but this year the young QB struggles against bama, UGA, Ole Miss, etc. 7-4.

Van says:
This team has been an enigma to me since Nutty Bumpo arrived. I think they're good, and they go out and get trounced. I think they're in decline, and they beat UT and crush AU. I have no idea about this team. I'll trust John's instincts. 7-4

4. Auburn

John says:
Went 5-6 last year and was 2 plays from being 7-4. Lots of skill position talent. The defensive line is a concern. May have to win some shootouts. Possibe losses - at ole miss, at MSU (Jackie has some kind of hex thing on auburn...), at UF, hogs in auburn, UGA in auburn and at bama. 7-4.

Van says:
Sherrill's running out of souls to sell to the Devil for weird wins over Auburn. A decent kicking game this year will cure a lot of ills, though. Tack on the Johnson boys and Deandre Green to an already decent offense, and AU will score some points and chew the clock. Find some defense and this team will surprise everyone. Losses to Ole Miss, Florida, either MSU or UGA, and bama (for AU's first loss in three trips to Tuscaloser). 7-4

5. MSU
Jackie has been a miracle worker the past 2 years. But they lost 14 starters - 11 off the best defense in the SEC last year. So they may not win those low scoring scrums they won in the past. And if you didn't notice, the ball bounced their way the past year. You have to love MSU at BYU in game 2. Who scheduled that? And yes, you are welcome to take your cowbells out there and drive the mormons crazy with them.... UF rotates onto the schedule. 6-5.

Van says:
First-- when did BYU become a Southern power? They start with FSU, then play Miss. State? That's just bizarre. I don't know which will be more fun-- watching BYU guys dying in the humidity at Tallahassee, or watching MSU guys gasping for breath in Provo. MSU? They'll win one they're not supposed to, and lose one they should win. 7-4 (though it may be a mathematical impossibility, at this point, for all these teams to go 7-4. But it smells like a big 7-4 year all around, this time.)

6. LSU

John says:
Nick Saban is a much better coach that Gerry Dinardo (gee, do you think he will hire Lou Tepper to be his defensive coordinator in the XFL - it would make for a high scoring league!) Some talent but tough road games at UF, Ole Miss and Arkansas with UT and bama coming to visit. 4-7.

Van says:
It's nearly time for the season to start, and all anyone can talk about in Baton Rouge is whether or not Saban will ever smile. Saban's gotten obsessed with it, bringing it up to reporters during interviews. This can't be a coincedence-- I see the evil hand of Visor Boy behind it. Spurrier thrives on stirring up controversy, just to throw opposing coaches and players off. Somehow, Spurrier abducted Saban and had plastic surgery performed on him, so that he cannot smile. That way, the players, coaches, and fans will become so caught up in debating that fact that they will forget to prepare for the season. Hey, would you put it past Spurrier?? Losses to all the tough SEC teams, except for one unforeseen win. 5-6

SEC Championship game:

John says:
Florida against Bama (yawn)

Van says:
What he said. Drowsy ending to a great, competitive season. Floribamazzzzzzz....

--John Ringer & Van Plexico