Guest Column:
A Blasphemous Look at the Scarlet Witch (?)
by Scott Harris


 I had planned to write a big, thought-out review of AVENGERS #141, 
but after rereading the issue, something more fundamental has cropped 
up. A couple things, really, that supercede the need for an issue 
review. Be warned: blasphemy may follow.

Part way through rereading #141 I was struck by just how irritating I 
was finding the Scarlet Witch. The more I thought about it the more 
annoying I found her and the more I realized that this was not really a 
new feeling. As I ruminated, it seemed to me that I almost always find 
the Witch at least a little annoying in every issue she's in. At last i 
could deny it no longer: the Witch is irritating, and I dont really 
like her. It's taken me 14 years of reading to realize this, but there 
you have it.
    The Witch has never really been anything I would call enjoyable. 
Interesting, yes, but usually because of her annoying traits. Hawkeye I 
can enjoy even when he's being a prick. Wanda just doesnt have the same 
style; when she's being a prick she's just an annoying prick. Let's 
have a basic run down of Wanda's different personailty phases:
    #16-49 -- Quicksilver's sister, she starts off as being the same 
basically demure, colorless female as every other female super hero. By 
#49 she's shown a little bit of spunk, and thats about it. She's a 
prop, not a character. But at least she's not in your face annoying, 
though her passivity is a bit grating at times.
    #75-96 -- I don't really mind Wanda in these issues. She's 
interested in the Vision, which shows she has some brains cause he 
kicks butt, but at the same time she isn't yet dragging him down. At 
the same time she is moving away from being Quicksilver's little 
thrall. Good for her.
    #97-127 -- Wanda starts getting more and more annoying. Okay, she 
and the Vision are in love, great. Using the phrase "My man" to 
describe him isn't really her fault, but becoming a human-hating racist 
goof is. The more she gets involved with Vision, the less she gets 
involved with caring for anyone else and the less chance he has of 
getting rid of her. Oh Vision, if only you had run while you had the 
chance. Seriously, though, her "Humans did this to my man, and they 
shall pay" crap is so tired and lame I cant even think straight.
    #128-157 -- Wanda the Good Witch is quite possibly the single most 
annoying phase of her long unspectactular career .The trite, 
earth-mother mumbo jumbo bullshit she spouts is enough to make me wanna 
grab my Carole King CD and cram it down her hippie throat along with a 
salted stack of Gerina Dunwich paperbacks. Lord keep us from phrases 
like "May the power grow within you!" (from #141)
    #158-211 -- Wanda isn't too bad as a whole, her, but she sure has 
her moments. First she's a prop to get the men fighting, then she's a 
prop to get Ultron going, then she's a prop for Chthon to use. All this 
and another big, lame storyline retconning her origin for the 8 
billionth time.
    #212-231 -- Hey, she's retired. thank god.
    #232-#254 -- Content, down to earth wife, Wanda starts off okay 
here and ends up setting up the horror known as the Vision and Scarlet 
Witch Maxi-Series by being a tad too wifley. Hey, Wanda, try to pay 
some attention to the fact that the guy in bed with you just took over 
the Earth. Or, never mind, he's your husband so who cares.
    V+SW LS #1-12 -- Pat already said it, but this is the culmination 
of every annoying aspect of her all rolled into one horrifying bag of 
blah. This Wicca crapola makes me want to puke, as does her smug "I can 
make anything happen with my herbal tea cause I'm a witch" attitude.
    WCA #34-62 -- Wow, and then she got even more annoying. She got 
Byrned, okay, that aint her fault, but the end result is that she 
sucked even more. The kids were all her imagination? well, somehow that 
figures.    
    WCA #63-102 -- Is she in these issues? Oh yeah, she's Simon's angst 
prop. So what.
    Force Works #1-22 -- Wanda becomes leather clad uber bitch and 
decides that, hell, the Punisher is a great role model and whats more, 
she should be able to power a flying ship using her internal drive. 
What, is her magical womb made of dilithium? 

Anyhow...is this just me, or does anyone else find the Witch annoying?

Second point -- I have to say this right now, so dont kill me. Yes, I 
signed up for the Englehart petition (just after it was sent, but hey, 
i didnt know that) but I have to say that Englehart doesnt always do it 
for me. Infact, Mantis is the single most annoying conceit I've ever 
had the displeasure of reading, and the combination of the 3 of the 
most annoying female Avengers ever makes some of his issues very hard 
to read with pleasure (Moondragon, Mantis and Wanda -- shoot me. 
PLease. Better yet -- pass me a Thomas issue). I like his classic 
stories, like the Celestial Madonna, the Squadron Supreme and the 
Avengers/Defenders Clash, but none of them are among my favorites. In 
fact, i dont think any of them cracked the top 15 of my favorite 
storylines last time I sent that post. Good stuff, yes, but the 
dialogue is sometimes terrible and the characters are really freaking 
annoying as hell.
    So, sorry, but Englehart just doesnt do it for me as an Avengers 
writer. I've always felt the Shooter stories after and the Thomas 
issues before were better. At least, I like reading them more.

-Scott Harris